Monday, October 1, 2012

The moment


It was her umpteenth shift in that cramped bus on a Monday morning. She had hoped to avoid the digging arms and elbows. But to no avail. Should she try again? The person sharing the seat was already stealing stares at her. She still had one and a half hour of commute. He would probably get off at the next stop or the one next to it. Or he could move to another place, if he really could. Yeah, she would give it a try. Another uneasy shift. Now, the weight, arms, elbows and eyes fell on her back. She could survive it.
She risked one more movement, opening the rusted window. The cold, crisp, early October, morning air greeted her, a pleasant contrast to the stifling odors of the bus. She finally, settled cozily and tried to lose herself in the contours of the hills falling and rising, the waters breaking forcefully at the sands and stones.
Sometimes, the banks were all sand. There were many footprints dug into the soft damp sands. She imagined all kinds of stories behind them. Sometimes, the banks were more stone - grayish whitish, smoothened by the perpetual water tides. The terrain there looked rocky, harsh and uneven.
It was on one such rocky bank, she saw two pair of feet moving with caution – one hardened with age, the other still young and soft. She saw the feet, and then she saw the hands, clasped in a tight but careful grip. They wore dirty denims folded up to knees, and dirty vests with holes. Both carried fishing nets in their free hand, their faces hidden from her view. They reached the knee deep water, parted hands, distanced and positioned themselves and threw their nets in - the larger net going out first and forcefully; then, taking its cue, the smaller one followed.
The view shifted. The hills and the river receded to the background and the town came to the front.
The moment remained with her.

29 comments:

  1. I like how her mind was able to shift from the unpleasantness of the bus to the scene outside the window. You took me from anxious to relaxed in the span of your story.

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    1. I am glad I was able to bring the relaxing effect. Even the character felt relaxed, no longer plagued by the anxieties. Thank you Janna.

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  2. Sweet moment for the two walking on the shore and for you character to see. Love seeing things like that. Touching!

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  3. it makes me feel as if i was there and experience that moment! great story! x susan

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    1. Thank you Susan. I appreciate your stopping by.

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  4. I love how she was able to focus on something to get her mind off of the bus ride. Great post.

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    1. That focus came accidentally but it did work to her advantage. Thank you Bo. It is really good to hear from you.

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  5. Ruby I have to ask if you are from the Louisiana area? I had a giggle at "get down" at the next stop. My husband says "get down".

    Aside from that, I enjoyed the story ;-)

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    1. I am from India, Kenya. And I am glad you had a great time reading this. :-)

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    2. Too funny--I thought the same thing! I lived in New Orleans for two years, and they "get down" there. :-)

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    3. I generally used the term "get down" and I guess that has stayed with me. But now when I confirm, I realize it should have been "get off". I will make the change and re-post. Thank you so much.

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  6. Once again, I love the imagery you create. This was a great piece. It feels like a scene from a longer piece. I'd love to see more.

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    1. Thank you Wisper. Your feedback is truly inspiring.

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  7. That's a beautiful moment you have captured there. I loved the contrast between the deliberate closeness of the elderly and young and the forced cramped confines of the bus. I hope the character could hold it in her heart for a very long time.

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    1. Thank you Jessie. It feels so good to hear such positive thoughts about the little piece.

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    2. And I too hope that she could hold the moment in her heart for a long time.

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  8. This has a pleasant feel - it served as a nice introduction to your writing for me. Nice job!

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    1. Thank you Brian. It is good to have you stopping by my blog and appreciating it too.

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  9. This was a nice read. I love the description of the fishermen.

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  10. I enjoyed the little flashes of life she was observing as the bus traveled; very pastoral!

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    1. Pastoral indeed. I love the way you put it, Annabelle. Thank you so much.

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  11. How uncomfortable that was - being with that kind of seatmate. I like the contrast between her situation and the fisherfolks she saw outside. Lovely piece of writing, Ruby. :)

    ~Imelda

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    1. Thank you for the appreciating words, Imelda.

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Since every thought is a seed, I am looking forward to a delicious harvest.